


I Can't Remember

by ImperialKatwala



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Panic Attacks, Phil has adopted the memory boy, Some fluff at the end :), Takes place after Ranboo's Confrontation stream, Techno is in the process of adopting the memory boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28825842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialKatwala/pseuds/ImperialKatwala
Summary: Sometimes you have to ask for help.Or: Ranboo finds something he doesn't want to have and can't remember getting, and goes to the only people he can trust.
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 555





	I Can't Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place almost immediately after Ranboo's 1/15 Confrontation stream, so big spoilers for that if you haven't watched it! Canon hurt me and this is my way of fixing it :)

Phil was, quite honestly, a little surprised at how quickly things had gone back to normal for him and Techno after the fall of L'manberg. It had been such a momentous thing, built up and prepared for over weeks and months, and then just like that it was done, and it was just the two of them again.

Well. The two of them plus Ranboo.

Phil was not ashamed to admit he had gotten very attached to the boy very quickly, and maybe that was a little bit due to the fact that he reminded Phil of Techno - quiet, awkward around strangers, self-sufficient as much as possible. When he heard how shaken the poor kid sounded after the withers were dead and the TNT was used up, he hadn't even hesitated to offer him a place to stay.

Ranboo had accepted gratefully, and he had built a little shack out where the kennel would eventually be. Phil hadn't seen him often after that; Ranboo was happy to help with anything that needed doing, but he had his own chores and goals, and he wouldn't walk up and ask if there was anything he could be doing to help. Phil respected that (of course he did, Techno was the same way) and kept his distance, apart from checking in on him occasionally and making sure he had everything he needed.

So he was very surprised one day to hear someone knock on the door of the cabin, when Techno was upstairs and Ranboo had said he had something important to do.

Phil frowned and set down the mug of tea he had been drinking. He stood cautiously, running over the possibilities in his head. It could be Dream again. It could be Ranboo, asking shyly if he wanted to go on another trip. It could be the remnants of the L'manberg government. Regardless, Phil kept a hand on the hilt of his sword as he opened the door, just to be safe.

He was initially relieved to see that it was just Ranboo, but then it registered that he was an utter wreck. Ranboo's suit was torn and rumpled, there were tear tracks almost _burned_ into his face, dirt was caked on his clothes and skin and hair and under his fingernails, and he was shaking as he stared at Phil with a lost, haunted, distraught look in his eyes. He was holding something tightly to his chest.

"Ranboo?" Phil asked gently, recognizing the signs of a panic attack.

The boy flinched violently, taking a step backward to balance himself. "I... P-Phil, I, there's..."

"Woah, woah, breathe, mate." Phil stepped out of the way, opening the door wider. "Come on in, it's cold today. We can talk inside."

Ranboo shook his head, tightening his grip on the thing he was holding. "N-No, no, I can't, I have to leave, I - I-I can't. You're not safe, I have to go."

Phil tensed slightly. "Ranboo, what do you mean we're not safe? What's wrong?"

"Everything!" A hysterical laugh tore out of Ranboo's throat, and he ran a hand through his hair. It spoke volumes about his mental state that he didn't notice he was getting dirt everywhere. "Everything, everything is wrong, I - you're not safe with me, I have to go, I-I can't be here anymore, you can't trust me, no one can trust me -"

"Mate, you have to breathe." Phil didn't like standing here in the doorway trying to comfort a traumatized kid ( _your kid,_ some part of him whispered); he would much rather be inside where it was warm, where the crackle and heat of the fire could serve as an anchor and he could give Ranboo some food, which it didn't look like he'd been getting enough of.

Ranboo continued on his tirade like Phil hadn't even spoken, another signal that something was very, very wrong. "- _I_ can't even trust me, Phil, I'm a liar and I've been lying to myself this whole time and I can't - I just - I've betrayed everyone, I'm gonna betray you too, I can't stop it, I can't control it, I don't - I don't remember, I can't _remember_ -" He cut himself off with the strangled, desperate cry of an enderman in pain.

Phil remembered with a bolt of clarity the conversation he'd had with Ranboo only a week ago - _Is that something you do sometimes? You just make that noise?_ he'd asked. _Yeah, actually, sometimes,_ Ranboo had replied with an unreadable expression. _It happens under immense amounts of stress._ Phil had laughed then, but he certainly wasn't laughing now.

Something was horrifically wrong.

Ranboo slowly sank to his knees, his grip on the thing he was holding tightening, the enderman sounds getting louder and more desperate. He was crying now, and Phil realized in horror that the tears were actually burning his skin.

"Ranboo," Phil said, dropping to his knees as well, fighting to keep his voice calm and even. "Ranboo, I'm going to touch you, is that alright?"

He didn't get a response, so he slowly reached out and rested a hand on Ranboo's shoulder.

He was expecting several responses. Flinching away, maybe, or an increase in the noise that was becoming a scream, or even no reaction at all. He was _not_ expecting Ranboo's hand to shoot up and grab his wrist, leaning into the touch like it was a lifeline.

"Just breathe, mate, I'm right here," Phil said softly, rubbing his thumb back and forth on the boy's shoulder.

Footsteps echoed on the stairs, and Techno appeared in the doorway. "Phil? What's goin' on?"

"Something happened to Ranboo, he hasn't been able to tell me about it yet," Phil said quietly, glancing over his shoulder. "I need you to get a cloak, and get a bed ready. He can take mine if we don't have an extra."

Techno looked at the child crumpled on their porch, nodded, and hurried back upstairs. He was back in less than a minute, a blue, fur-lined cloak in hand. "I thought somethin' soft might be good," he told Phil quietly as he handed it over.

Phil nodded, smiling gratefully, and wrapped the cloak carefully around the shaking teenager.

Ranboo burrowed down into it, the enderman sounds dying down into pained, terrified chirps as he buried his face in the fur of the lining.

"There you go, mate," Phil murmured, daring to put an arm around Ranboo and pull him in closer.

Ranboo instantly latched onto him, curling up against Phil's chest in a much smaller ball than Phil had expected, given his height.

Techno disappeared upstairs again. He knew first-hand how tiring a panic attack could be, and he knew that Phil had been serious about letting Ranboo use his bed, so he was probably setting up a cot for Phil to use in the meantime.

Phil began gently carding a hand through Ranboo's hair, trying to dislodge some of the dirt. "You're alright, Ranboo, just breathe. It's gonna be okay."

Ranboo shook his head violently, his breath hitching.

"It's gonna be okay," Phil repeated softly. "Whatever's wrong, we'll help you figure it out."

"It's too _big,_ " Ranboo told him in a broken, shaky whisper.

Phil kept running a hand through his hair. "We're used to dealing with big things."

"Not like this. It's... Phil, I _can't,_ this - I -"

"You don't have to explain it right now if you need time to piece it together," Phil assured him.

Ranboo hesitated, then pushed away a little. He opened his hands, and for the first time, Phil saw what he was holding.

The world stopped.

A disk. He was holding a music disk with a green label, which Phil recognized as Cat. He knew without asking whose it was.

"It's Tommy's," Ranboo confirmed, and Phil had never heard anyone sound so scared and lost before. "I don't... Dream gave it to me and I can't _remember,_ I - the voice - Phil, I can't trust myself anymore, I blew up the community house, I helped Dream get the TNT, I betrayed _everyone_ and I didn't _mean_ to, I didn't _want_ to!"

Phil held up a hand. "Hang on, slow down. You blew up the community house?"

Ranboo nodded, pulling the cloak up to wipe away fresh tears before they could make contact with his skin.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I can't remember!" Another panicked chirp escaped Ranboo's mouth, and he hugged the disk to his chest again. "Phil, I can't remember."

Phil frowned. "Then how do you know you did it?"

Ranboo hesitated for a moment, shaking, looking anywhere but at Phil. "I... I hear a voice in my head, sometimes. And it sounds like Dream, but it isn't Dream, it's me, it's the part of me that remembers, Phil, and - and I thought it was just me catastrophizing, I thought it was lying, it had to be lying because it told me I'd betrayed everyone, that I'd done all these horrible things... But it told me I had the disk, and I _did,_ so what else was it telling the truth about? That means I really did do all of those things, right?"

"Voices in your head are rarely reliable," Techno said from behind Phil. He leaned against the doorframe, his expression unexpectedly gentle. "I would know."

"You would know?" Ranboo repeated, some combination of confusion and fear and hope in his voice and his eyes.

Techno nodded. "I hear voices all the time. A lot of them. They give me advice, sometimes, and nine times out of ten they're lyin'. The one out of ten that they're right doesn't mean I should listen to them all the time."

Ranboo opened and closed his mouth a few times, then said "But the disk - If I have it, the two of you aren't _safe,_ and... and what if I betray you too? I don't _want_ to, but -"

Techno laughed. "Ranboo, look who you're talkin' to. Do you seriously think you can do anythin' that will take us down? You're not a threat."

"Besides, we trust you," Phil chimed in, brushing more dirt off of Ranboo's suit. "Or I do, at least. Do you need us to do anything? Can we help?"

After a few speechless seconds, Ranboo's eyes narrowed with newfound determination, and he held out the disk. "Take it, put it in your Ender chest."

Phil took the disk carefully and nodded. "I'll take good care of it."

Ranboo nodded back, relaxing a little. "I know."

"And if you want to - you know, have someone keepin' track of you, just in case, you could. Um. Always move in. To the house," Techno offered awkwardly.

Ranboo's eyes widened. "I... I could?"

Techno shrugged, putting on a fake show of nonchalance. "I mean it's the most practical solution here."

"I... think I would like that very much," Ranboo said softly, and Phil watched the tension leave his shoulders.

Phil smiled. "Alright, mate, you're about to crash, let's get you inside."

"No, no, I'm okay -" Ranboo cut himself off with a wide yawn, much wider than a human's, and automatically tried to hide it in the fur of the cloak.

Techno and Phil made eye contact, Phil smiled, Techno sighed, and Phil stood up as Techno scooped up the teenager.

Ranboo went stiff for a moment in surprise, then curled in against Techno's chest and closed his eyes.

"I set up a spot for you to sleep in my room, Phil," Techno said quietly, maneuvering carefully up the stairs so he wouldn't smack Ranboo's feet or head against the wall. "We can work out somethin' more permanent tomorrow."

"I think we'll need to work out a lot of things tomorrow," Phil murmured, glancing down at the disk in his hand.

Techno nodded, nudging Phil's door open with his foot. "Could you...?"

"Of course." Phil maneuvered around Techno into the room and pulled back the blankets on his bed, allowing Techno to set Ranboo down before tucking him in.

Techno hovered near the doorway, as though uncertain what to do next. "... He looks a lot smaller asleep."

Phil sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at him. "Getting attached, Techno?"

"Absolutely not," Techno huffed, but he was holding himself in the way he always did when he lied. "Just because he's less annoyin' than other kids that have lived here doesn't mean I _like_ him or anythin'."

"He reminds me of you," Phil admitted quietly, brushing a little more dirt out of Ranboo's hair.

Techno shrugged with one shoulder. "I guess. He's got my way of talkin' to people, that's for sure."

Ranboo made a faint, whispery chittering sound. It sounded almost like purring. Phil ran his fingers through Ranboo's hair again and was delighted to find that the sound got slightly louder. "Well how about that."

"... He's been doin' a lot worse than he let on, hasn't he?"

Phil glanced over at Techno. He was hunched over slightly, arms crossed, fingers tapping nervously against his bicep. "I think so, yeah. It sounded like he's been hearing that voice for a while now."

Techno hesitated, then asked "Do you think he'll let us help him?"

"I think we'll help him regardless," Phil said calmly. "I for one plan to do whatever I can, starting with making sure he doesn't catch a cold from being outside for so long. Do you still have all that blue fabric in a closet somewhere?"

"Yeah, should be in with the blankets. What do you need me to do?"

Phil glanced out the window, noting that the sun was starting to set. "Dinner would be great, could you make some stew?"

Techno nodded and left the room.

Phil adjusted the blankets one more time before leaving as well, closing the door softly behind him.

Later, Ranboo would wake up to a new set of clothes, tailored for the cold climate, complete with a cloak that used to be Techno's. He would be given warm stew and asked careful questions, assured that the disk was safely in Phil's Ender chest and that Dream could be dealt with if he came after it. They would plan, and discuss, and try to piece together Ranboo's memories, with both Phil and Techno acting as anchors when Ranboo's thoughts began to spiral.

But that would all come later. For now, Ranboo slept, feeling safe and protected for the first time in a very long while.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me soft Phil and Ranboo and Techno interactions, that's all I want, Ranboo paying "rent" made my heart melt, please -


End file.
